Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
