Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
