when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
