Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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