How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
