Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
