I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
