I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
