I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
