My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
