My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
