Say something about gay babies.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
