I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
