That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
