Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
