I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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