I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize