so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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