Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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