My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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