Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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