I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
