you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
