I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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