super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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