You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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