Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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