My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
