well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
