when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
