Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
