how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
