Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
