I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
