My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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