haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
they need to just BURY HIM!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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