i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
