I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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