So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
