smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
