I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
