Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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