i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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