I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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