you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
