She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
