I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
