I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Don't make out with my wife yet
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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