SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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