You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
