I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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