i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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