Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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