I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
