They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
His nipple licking is glorious
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