What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
