my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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