I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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