Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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