I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
