its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
