Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize