We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
