And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
