best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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