My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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