Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
